If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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