i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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