So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize