Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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