i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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