And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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