I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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