About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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