new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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