dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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