Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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