i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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