talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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