her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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