my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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