i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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