You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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