We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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