my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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