just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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