btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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