This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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