Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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