Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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