In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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