You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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