she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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