Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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