if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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