Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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