K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize