just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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