then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm going to jail i love you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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