I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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