soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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