Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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