Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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