Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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