My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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