you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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