threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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