I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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