he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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