So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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