A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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