look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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