dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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