I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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