Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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