when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
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Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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