ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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