so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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